A Couple Poems

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Original poster
I was going through some old poems of mine....thought I'd share a couple. The first was actually a poem that I co-wrote with an old friend from a writing forum I used to post at (can't remember what the girl's penname was though). It was set in a letter correspondence between father and daughter (i wrote the daughter portion). Consistency with style was slightly lacking, but it was the overall feel/content we were going for, and it was fun to write. The second is a poem I wrote a loooong time ago that goes with the fall season that is upon us so i thought it would be fitting. Again a round formatting, but these were mostly earlier works...I may go and alter the second poem at some point in time but who knows...they will be part of my LARGE archiving project I still have yet to start working on again X_X So here ya go:

Heart Chain Letters
My little Katie Anne,
I'm sorry for my indiscretions,
To leave you all alone,
To fend against the world's long lessons.

My dearest father,
What do you mean your sorry?
Is that all you have to say>
Do you know the damage that you've caused me?
When you left me that fateful day.
A part of me is forever missing.

I mean to fill that gap,
At least I want to make an attempt,
I can't make you understand,
But I will try to make a go at it.
I have tried in so many vain endeavors,
To finally find you with this letter.
I don't know where to start or what to say,
So I guess i end with this cliche.
I do love you.

You love me, then why give me up?
I've cried myself to sleep so many nights,
Wishing that you were here.
Wondering why I wasn't good enough.
Even as I write this the tears flow.
How can I forgive you?
I want to so much, but I can't,
I won't bring myself to love you...yet.
not until I know the truth.

My little Katie Anne,
I had hoped that as you blossomed into a woman,
That you could understand,
It wasn't you that wasn't good enough...
It was me,
Not yet a man.

My distant father,
As I grew up, you weren't there.
It hurt inside, I told myself I hated you.
But as I grew, I learned to accept things
emptiness and all, but I suppose
That I could give you another chance.
Explain yourself more, so many questions.
What drove you to abandon me?
How much do you really love me?
Will I ever get to meet you?
Questions with answers I seek.

Dearest Daughter Katie,
I feel bad for all I did,
And all I didn't do.
If it hurt inside, and you need to cry,
I didn't want it too.
I am glad you grew, and that you'd do
This kindness to your old man
Even though, you don't even know
Who I really am.
I wasn't driven. I had no control.
I was lost in a sea of drugs
We had no cash, spent on stash,
We never knew how to love
On that night, I held you tight
And silently I'd tear
But I let go. Inside I know
You wouldn't make it here
I overdosed, I stepped to close
To really seeing god
When I awoke, my life a joke
My happiness a fraud
So I search for faith, and in god's grace
I also searched for you.
And now I see, you writing me
And it breaks my heart in two
Of course I'd meet, but wouldn't be
Half the man I was.
I'm afraid, what you might say
But I'll meet you anywhere because.

I love you.

Tears brim my eyes, as I read
Each letter that I receive,
I wish to meet you so we can really talk
Enclosed is my address. Stop by sometime.
No promises that I will forgive, though.
The past is the past, but I've come this far
Sending lost wishes.


PS. It's been raining quite frequently
So bring a coat and umbrella

A cry from a bird and a flutter of wings
AS the birds rush to the South's warm embrace.
The days once so long, now shorten each day,
And the temperature drops, oh so cold!
The winds pick up and turn tan cheeks to red,
The coldness nips at every limb.
Brrr! How cold it is! The trees moan in the wind.
With each gust they hold on to their leaves.
The luscious green fades from the trees,
Earthy colors replace the green.
Browns, reds, oranges, yellows,
How the trees try so hard to hang on.
Their leaves are their children, a shelter, a cloak.
But the autumn winds blow hard.
Slowly the trees give in and let go of their cloak,
A shower of leaves fall down,
Until all that is left is a single leaved tree,
And even that only has one leaf left to cling.
A last powerful gust blasts its way by
And the bond gives up its strength.
As the last leaf flats down; slowly to the ground,
Silence settles on the plain.
All that's left, as one looks around,
Are naked trees with their leaves on the ground.
Fluttering in the brisk autumn wind.


Original poster
Angl, you are a wonderful poet. <3 That first one had intense emotion, some of which I could relate to. And Leaves is just awesome! Fall is the best season of all. :D [Hah, that rhymed.]


Original poster
I'm so glad that you feel the need
To break into other people's things
And take useless crap.
Moron, I hope it bites you in the ass!
It sickens me sometimes
This world we live in
Filled with such negativity!
Such pettiness!
Such hate!
Such disregard for others!
Such complaint!
Such...well me-ness
It's a real drag, ya dig?
What happened to trust?
Is that too much to ask for?
What happened to giving?
It's all about me, me, me!
Frustration is all I can feed myself with
This and that...it doesn't matter
In the end it's just life.
You can hate this
You can love this
You can be indifferent!
In the end,
As long as that ONE person
Gets THEIR satisfaction,
That's all that matters.
I digress.
Whatever is done, is done.
Can't change the past.
So what life brings
I'll just have to deal with
Plain and simple.
Guess I'm
Over it.


Original poster
here is some more older poetry...what I term poetry of the heart haha:

Dream Lover
"If the only possible way we can be together is in my dreams..."

When night is in its deepest sleep
Pure black sky, twinkling light, moon's luminous face,
That is when my dreams begin and
A vision of you appears.
"You the one I love, the one I year for
The one who's captured my heart.
And makes me wish every second thou were here.
But you cannot be with me when I wish;
It is forbidden that I see my love.
For unchangeable reasons keep us apart.
Yet in my dreams, thou still lingers on.
A part of you that will never leave my heart,
And every day I crave my time of sleep.
Only so I can once again be with you,
Even for one short moment in time.
But our candle slowly burns its fuel of memory,
And as days turn to months and years,
Your image drifts further and further away.
Until all I can see in my decomposing dreams is
But a blurred yearning image I still have for you.
As time passes by, death knocks on my door,
Stands by my side grinning slyly.
And slowly I slip into an everlasting darkness,
Still calling your name. Wishing you were here.
Until finally, death has its way. Darkness comes
And I'm left to an eternal rest. Everlasting dreams.
Where I can finally re-unite with my star-crossed love,
To be with you forever more in my unending dreams.

"...Then I'll sleep forever."

Cath me when I fall
Lift me when I'm down
Let me cry on your shoulder
Until all my pain is gone

Hold me when I'm nervous
Right me when I'm wrong
Make me love you even more
Until all my sorrow is gone

Always say you'll love me
Hold me forever in your heart
Always remember I'm here for you
Whatever's wrong I'll help
Always remember our love for eachother
Our souls forever bound as one

And always remember I love you
As a friend or even more, forever
Until the end of time comes


Original poster
Whispers in the night weave the fabric of ones dreams
Infinite possibilities are ready to unfold
Left to wander the blank canvas of ones mind
Letting desires shape each intricate piece of the larger picture
Youthful vibrancy of the imagination takes control
Oblectating ones deepest desires and fantasies
Unresponsive to veracity's sharp bite
Life becomes the dream that's been forever chased
Obscurity of the phantasmagoria entraps the mind
Vain temptations of the forgotten heart cry out
Even if dreams may never come true
Maybe these feelings can one day become concrete
Every dream must end, but every reality can still be written


Original poster
Your beating heart mimics mine.
But, we are two souls
Yet, still intertwined.

I see those eyes staring back.
They hold many memories
Yet, never fully gone.

We could go our separate ways.
But, always stay
Yet, that is simple agony.

The emotions welled inside.
There can be no peace
Yet, it seems so close.

I can never escape.
Forever I will be
Yet, I accept this.

I stare into the mirror.
The monster I battle,
Yet, I never win.

Our thoughts converge.
We are now
Yet, another day comes.

Your heart beats with mine.
We are now one soul
And, forever intertwined.


Original poster
So fast, so fast,
Everything is coming at me
Like a whirlwind. duck!
No time to waste, gotta get through this.
I can do it. I can...I think.
Take a deep breath, and calm
Yourself. No need to worry.
Okay, maybe a little.
I feel the pressure building in my chest.
I'm ready to burst.
Okay, a little better,
But I'm still not sure.
Whatever, that's life.
I'll get through somehow.
I hope...


Original poster
Gentle whispers haunt my dreams
Your voice is taunting me
I see your face, your eyes, your lips
I feel your touch, your warm embrace
But it's not the same

I remember the jokes we used to share
Laughter begets a smile
Such good feelings bubble inside
Time fades away and memories dim
Happiness slips away

Day by day, time goes by
The constant highs and lows of life
But in my own corner I want to stay
Hidden away from the travesties of life
Innocence is replaced

I lay by myself in an empty bed
My arms wrapped around a pillow
You are no longer here by my side
I am alone once again
Where have you gone

The child inside me cries
The adult blocks this out
And in the end I can only fine acceptance
To motivate myself to move on
This is life

When I close my eyes I see you
In my dreams you will be forever there
A haunting reminder of my past forgotten
Dormant ashes breathe life
The fire is rekindled

I shall live yet again


Original poster
found some more old writing stuff...short story of sorts:

"Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust." Words commonly heard during a funeral, but those words were the first echoing in my mind as I woke up. I couldn’t remember quite what happened, just that one minute I was ducking and covering in terror, the next that all was quiet and black.

Rubbing my head, and stretching my aching joints, I slowly got up from the pile of rubbish that had covered me. As I looked around I saw that nothing was left. Only "ashes" and "dust". The city I had lived in my whole life, full of beauty, life, friends, family, and everything I‘d ever known and loved -- gone. All that was left was an ever-present scent of death, destruction, and evil. The rubbish was littered with red splatters of what I presumed was the blood of those I once knew, the air reeked of scarlet evil, and even the sky, which was usually a clear, brilliant blue, was a crimson, murky, hideous color. What had happened to my home? Where was everyone? I couldn’t answer any of these questions, as I couldn’t remember. Only scattered fuzz fluttered through my memories of before I awoke. What I did recall was only vague. Before the gap in my waking dreams, I remember my mother and little brother were sitting next to me; both were as terrified as I was, for some reason, but I couldn’t remember what caused the terror. Looking around me, I saw nothing, nobody, only more and more piles of ruin. However, I kept searching, hoping with every fiber of my being that someone else was there. Someone to console me and tell me what had happened.

Suddenly a large breeze drifted by, blowing away a top layer of loose dust. Closing my eyes, I turned my head and coughed the dust out of my lungs; I waited for the cloud to pass. The sight reviled, after the ashes cleared, made me scream in horror. Corpses! What seemed like thousands of them, my whole city perhaps? The flesh was literally all charred off the remains, entrails scattered here and there, body parts blown off, and every inch of the human body inside and out revealed. It was sickening, grotesque as if I’d stepped into some horror sci-fi movie! It was then I finally noticed the buzzing of the flies. The flies were quick at work on the decaying flesh. The dull drone of their lazy buzz sent shivers down my spine. As the true horror of what I was seeing set in, my stomach flipped and I turned and vomited. Whipping the residing vomit off my chin, I quickly got away from the spot where I stood, to try and relieve my tingling nose from that god awful smell of decay and death.

By the sight of the bodies, it seemed like I’d been out for a very long time. How long had I been "sleeping", days, weeks? For all I knew all time had stopped, all time was lost. The only "time" there was, was the present moment, no past, no future, just then and there. Composing myself from the freight that had just bestowed me, I brushed myself off, wincing at the cuts and bruises I now felt. Stopping I looked around, my hands shielding my eyes from the burning sun. I wanted to gather what I thought my bearings were, and when I had, I took off in the direction I believed the main road once was. Alone, I wandered through narrow alleys of debris where complex buildings perhaps once stood. Every now and then I called out to see if there perhaps were any other survivors. With each call I made, I filled my small lungs up with as much air I could muster, and bellowed out through cracked, parched lips. My voice would echo into the distance, but I was only greeted with an eerie silence, the scorching sizzle of the heat, and a dreary wind that intensified the ambiance of death. With every turn came more wreckage, more bodies, more evil, and more mortality. At times I couldn’t bear it; I’d just break down and cry for what seemed like hours. What happened? Why and HOW did I survive? Was I the only one left? While racking my mind for the answers, I stumbled through the forsaken streets.

Upon coming out of my deep thought, I realized that I was at my own house. Or at least the remains of what used to be my house; a few standing walls, fallen wreckage everywhere, burn marks, musty remains of what I used to be so acquainted with. Slowly, cautiously, and silently I walked through the huge gap that would have been my front door. The sound of falling remains touched my ears, intensifying the crumbling feeling I felt inside. As I passed into my hearth, I touched the remaining wall, and a sudden sharp image pulsed through my head--

I was terrified! “Momma! Momma!” I screamed as the force from an exploding bomb threw me to the ground. I got up, pain from my knee down, as I had scratched it up. My mother found me and grabbed my hand tightly leading me along. Bombs were exploding everywhere. Our city was under attack. “Where’s your brother!” she frantically asked me, pulling hard enough on my arm that it began to ache. I cried out and her grip loosened, but she continued to frantically lead. “I don’t know where Zachary is! What’s going on? Why are they attacking us?” I desperately screamed, wanting answers. “We have to find him, fast!” was her blunt reply, as we rampaged around our home looking for Zachary. Finally, we found him hiding in his bedroom closet. Tears of fear stained his rosy cheeks as he sat in a duck and cover position. Grabbing my terrified little brother, my mother pulled me and him out of the house as fast as she could. Her composure was of poise and confidence, but I could tell she was just as terrified as Zachary or I. As we exited our house, all possessions left behind, we ran. Ran with the ever growing crowd of our city, ran for our lives to a designated shelter place. It had been built for a crisis such as this, though no one ever dreamed we would one day actually put it to use. As we ran, bombs flew over our heads whistling like firecrackers on the Fourth of July. The bombs split off into different directions, and one flew straight over, landing on our beautiful house. I glanced back over my shoulder only to see that minutes after we’d escaped, our house had been demolished. Our beautiful home, my beautiful possessions, my childhood memories, they were now all gone. Nothing left only fire and rubble. The true horror of what war could do had just recently started to settle in on me with the death of my father. This only helped intensify that deep terror and anger I felt, and as we ran tears streamed down my face as well. The horrified screams and wails of those who didn’t get out of the living quarters fast enough echoed in my ears. I had to be strong as my mother pulled me and my brother along with the fearful mass. I tried to block out the horrible thoughts creeping in my mind, the terrible pictures that I‘d seen, but I couldn‘t, I just couldn‘t --

I quickly withdrew my hand from the wall, my heart was pounding and my emotions were starting to stir again. With that one memory that suddenly shot itself into my brain, it all slowly came back. The shock of reliving it all was returning, along with a renewed realization of what had happened. The city had been under surprise attack by the enemy. World War III had been underway. Everywhere around the world everything was being bombarded, no place was safe. Whole cities and nations were being destroyed daily, and yet the war continued to rage on. Death, war, and destruction had become the norm, and hope of a better future had been slipping away with each waking moment that mankind lived. Even then, life was a bleak existence. Looking around I realized there could be no other survivors from what had occurred. The end of the world had come. There was too much destruction, and not enough time to stop it. The apocalypse of Earth had come. So why was I left here all alone? No one, only the ruins and decaying bodies of a once civil planet to keep me company. The painful memories that will scar me for life, the future that I will now never have, all destroyed! Evil had come and finished all. Crimson darkness spread around the world, and for all I knew I was the only soul still unfortunate to be alive. It was all sinking in, all too suddenly, all too fast, and all at once. Finally, I just let it come. Let it sink into my soul that the world had been destroyed, and left me here, but why? Why? WHY? I ask. It would have been better to have died with everyone else than to have been left a sole survivor. It’s ludicrous, mad, and insane! What could bring such a cruel punishment to a mortal?

And with that I fell apart, fell to my knees and cried. Cried until I was exhausted, and couldn’t cry anymore, cried until I just slept. I had come to terms that the end had come and gone, and by some twisted means it had decided not to spare me grief and leave me here. What else could I do? The cold truth that perhaps I just wasn’t wanted, that’d I’d never be wanted, that I was just an outcast settled into me. This was the true definition of hell, the true meaning of loneliness; the ultimate punishment that could possibly be bestowed upon someone.

Now, I just walk the barren land alone wishing, praying, there is someone else out there who is still alive. Someone, anyone, anything! And with each hour that passes I realize more and more that this is the ultimate fear anyone can have; the fear of being utterly alone and helpless; to live one’s life out in solitude until he/she/it dies. How sad an ending it will be for me when and if the end ever comes. Too prideful, I refuse to end my life on my own. Have I been punished to live forever in this hell, this barren land void of all life, unable to sustain life, cold, cruel, hateful. Alone to wander for all eternity, with no hope left -- (to this day I’m still trying to figure out why and how I was the only survivor of that fateful, destructive day)

And in my sleep I whisper, “God, please save me!” but then I take back my thoughts and prayers, because how can there be a God to put me through this much suffering and pain? No, there can’t be. With each night I fall to sleep. Only to be awakened in the dead silence of darkest night, the whispering remains of my past, and the echo of “ashes to ashes, dust to dust” that plagues my ever restless thoughts…


Original poster
another old poem of mine:

Quietly watching the blazing horizon,
Unthinkable thoughts come to my mind
Of atrocities best never spoken of, and dreams
That paint a dark landscape of demise.
Even snug as I sit, a chill tingles down my spine.

The lugubrious reality of isolation rips into my psyche,
Harboring deep feelings of confusion and regret.
Endow me, Oh Lord, with the strength to move on!

Rapturous passion, lustful desires, and errant pleasure,
All vices my body aches so badly to relive. Oh,
Vengeful spite of Fate’s all-knowing hand,
Enslaving that which I loved to Death’s restricting chains!
Never again am I to feel the warmth of Love’s sweet embrace.

Now the time has come to make my final choice;
Entangle myself in destiny’s web and dangle by a string.
Virgil the poet says:
“Each of us bears his own Hell.” How true his words speak.
Reality can no longer strangle me with its iron paws,
My choice is made, it is finished, and I am done.
Only by God’s grace could I be saved, and yet I was shunned!
Remorseful in life and death my body sways, and
Evening fades away and a raven cries out, “Nevermore!”
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