【MEL】ancholic×h【APPY】ness

Wryneck

Don't jinx it.
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  1. Primarily Prefer Female
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Modern Fantasy, Fantasy, Psychological, Action, Steampunk
【MEL】ancholic×h【APPY】ness


If someone asked me if I was 「happy」, I wouldn't be able to answer them.

I wouldn't claim to be 「happy」; I wouldn't claim to be 「sad」.

I don't know enough about either to know whether I'm one or the other.

「Happiness」 and 「sadness」; they aren't things I really think about.

I don't really consider myself to be someone who has such things as 「experiences」 and 「feelings」.

I just...

「Flow.」


『episode one: sure』

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The sun was shining brightly that day. The walk to school was as delightfully uneventful as always. It was something Anaïs enjoyed — the free-flowing nature of it all. She was one to take the path of least resistance. Life was easier that way.

School often afforded her the same leisure. Other than the occasional school assignment, she was largely left alone. No one bothered her outside of group projects. She didn't see a need for friends. Being friends with someone entailed all sorts of obligations. Hanging out, helping each other with things... Anaïs was certain that, should anyone ask to be friends, she'd decline.

Surprisingly, no one shared her route to school. Sure, she converged with people once she neared the school, but that was all coincidental. None of it was planned. It just happened. That, too, was part of her flow.

The actual school day started out monotonously, as per usual. She would eat by her lonesome, go to class by her lonesome, and take her break by her lonesome. Her melancholic tendencies often caused many to question whether she was just really out of it or if she just didn't care about anything.

I don't know myself.

That's what she tells herself when she hears the theories start to spring up. Never interacting with anyone made it hard for her to tell if she was "out of it" or just didn't care. Not knowing was something she ever minded. If she allowed herself to be curious, her easygoing flow would be gone.

She wasn't one that chose to be alone because she wanted to be. She didn't avoid making friends because she preferred not to. She hadn't moved out of her parents' place because she hated them.

It's just easier this way.

So a typical day goes by for her, without issuing so much as a worry. Classes were attended, people were passed by in the halls, and food was eaten in the company of one atop the roof.

It was something she'd seen in a snippet of a show she watched once. Whenever the protagonist wanted to be alone, they always went to the roof. So that's what she did. Not because she wanted to be alone. Just because...

It's just easier this way.

Friends were obligations. Hanging out, helping each other... Anaïs was certain that, should anyone ask to be friends, she'd decline.

And if someone were to ask her out...
 
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The morning had ended as quickly as it had begun and Nolan found himself leaving the cafeteria after a failed attempt to find James. He'd never been fond of eating alone, and while he'd caught sight of several acquaintances—a boy from track, a girl from Home Ec, and several other familiar faces, he wasn't exactly in the mood for small talk, at least not today.

If anything, Nolan was raring to discuss something with James—the standards of art and how it had plummeted throughout the years. In art class, he'd gotten into a discussion with Bryce Reynolds, a staunch supporter of the modern arts. Bryce had defended pieces like Walldorf's Petra and Newman's Blue Canvas and Nolan argued, bringing up Rembrandt and Dali in hopes of getting Bryce to see the genius of the abstract expressionists. Modern art had nothing on the movements before it. He felt somewhat snobby for judging Bryce's choices, but couldn't bring himself to see how a sculpture of a policewoman urinating was art. If anything, Walldorf's fame was probably brought about by the vulgarity of his work.

It was silly, but he wanted to hear it from James, wanted someone he could rant to a little.

Maybe he'd find his friend later, but for now, he had to finish lunch before the next period. After a moment of wondering where to go, Nolan decided the rooftop would be his next destination, it was fairly quiet there and he'd be able to get some reading done for his English class tomorrow. He'd also be able to share some of his bread with the pigeons. The thought of the birds made him smile, and with that, his decision had been set in stone. With his lunch box tucked firmly underneath his arm, he made his way to the staircase, taking them two at a time till he reached the last floor and the door to the rooftop.

Nolan pushed past door and stepped outside.

Across from him, on the other side of the school's rooftop was a girl. He didn't recognize her right away, but when he did, he knew coming to the rooftop had been the right decision.

Anaïs Sartre. Stoic, quiet—a mystery. Nolan shared a Calculus and Physics class with her, but knew almost nothing about the girl. He was a people person and made friends in almost every class he was in, but he could count the number of times he'd spoken to her on one hand and there'd still be fingers left over. She was interesting, different, and if he thought about it...well, he probably had a bit of a crush. "Hey, Anaïs," Nolan greeted. "Have you eaten? I was just about to have lunch, maybe feed the pigeons. Do you want to join me?" The invitation left his mouth before he could think the words through, and he felt a little stupid, asking her to join him. He'd never seen her hanging out with other people. Actually, considering that, he decided that asking her to join him was a good idea. Everyone needed a friend, and if she didn't have any, he could be her friend.

"I packed an extra sandwich for a friend, but I couldn't find him. You, uh... do you like peanut butter?"
 
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Her quiet gaze over the schoolscape was interrupted with a sudden interjection. The voice was familiar, and as she turned to face her classmate, so was his face. Nolan. Though they'd never talked much, she did remember him from their Physics and Calculus classes. The conversations they did have were very much one-sided — futile attempts at conversing with her combined with a desire to avoid conflict by not voicing her wishes to be left alone.

After all, it was easier that way.

While not sure why he chose to visit the roof out of the blue, it wasn't something she thought was relevant. Right now, he was asking if she wanted to join him for lunch. Anaïs weighed her options. She hadn't really eaten her lunch yet, so she definitely couldn't claim that she was already done eating. Saying she had somewhere else wouldn't work either — why would she be spending time up alone on a roof with an untouched meal when she had somewhere else to be?

With escape more likely to lead to conflict, she reclined to agreement. "I have food of my own," she answered, revealing a sandwich with only one bite taken out of it. "But I wouldn't mind feeding the birds." Kneeling down, Anaïs dug through her bag for a small baggie of bread crumbs she usually packed especially for the birds. While it was something she preferred as a solo activity, she saw declining the offer as more troublesome.

Without making a move towards her classmate, Anaïs seated herself on the roof, making certain Nolan wouldn't see anything she'd rather he not if and when he decided to walk over and sit beside her. Opening the small baggie, she tossed out some bread crumbs and waited for the birds, keeping an eye on Nolan as she waited.
 
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"I have food of my own."

The hopeful smile on Nolan's face vanished in a heartbeat. "Oh," it hadn't even been a minute and already his offer and his attempt at conversing with her had been shot down in one fell swoop. That was Anais, it had always been that way, but each time she killed what he hoped would be a fun conversation, well... it only made her all the more mysterious.

He'd talked to Allison about her once, asked her if it was girl code or something, if she was maybe, just maybe playing hard to get. Allison had given him a wry grin before promptly laughing in his face.

"It's a no-go Casanova, try some other girl."

But he liked her anyway, so he tried to make conversations in their classes and failed over and over. Now, standing awkwardly on the rooftop and rejected from the get-go, he wished he'd listened to Allison, but then something turned things around. She wouldn't mind feeding the birds with him. "Great," Nolan beamed, his tone and everything about him suddenly bursting with enthusiasm that had been snuffed out just moments ago. "I'm sure the birds will be extra excited for twice the food."

With his lunchbox tucked firmly beneath his arm, he strode toward Anais and sat down beside her. That was when he noticed the small bag she'd filled with crumbs. Nolan followed, opening his own lunchbox and tearing a piece of bread from the sandwich he'd been saving for James. He tossed the piece in front of him and chuckled when about a dozen pigeons swooped in for their meal. "Do you come here a lot? I stop by to feet the birds every now and then, they're adorable." He pointed to a pigeon with green markings on his neck. "I'm not sure if these are the same birds, but I've started to name then. That one is Pudge, he's a little tubby and you can tell it's him because of the green feathers on his neck and the white spot on his chest."

He tore another piece from James' sandwich and tossed it in Pudge's direction.

"Hey, Anais? Are you always so mysterious and quiet?" Nolan's voice faltered. "Whenever I see you, you're always by yourself. Doesn't it get lonely?" Nolan couldn't bring himself to look at her, so he fell onto his back and stared up at the blue sky instead. He stayed that way for a few minutes, gathering his courage, but by the time he sat up to face Anais, he was still blushing.

"Hey, Anais. Hear me out, okay? I like you, and I want to get to know you more. Do you want to go out with me?"

He was going to crash and burn, he knew he was going to crash and burn, but saying the words finally took the weight off his shoulder. Like Allison said, it was better to just confess and get it over with than to keep it bottled up inside forever.

Whatever will be, will be.
 
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