Sometimes I get all wrapped up in my thoughts about how I feel weird even being here or doing anything because I worry about how my actions will be perceived by others, especially in light of past mistakes and blemishes on my reputation...
But like...
It helps to remember, things are so much better than they used to be.
At least I'm surrounded by people who support me. I haven't had to deal with anyone actually being antagonistic towards me in... quite a long while. Which means any time I feel like everyone around me hates me or whatever, that's just my own brain talking. And the fact that I still have such thoughts means I still have a few hurdles to get over. But, the point remains - no one here is going out of their way to knock me down a few pegs. And that's... a huge improvement over how things used to be.
It's easy to fall into some spiraling negative thoughts because of the fact that I feel weird posting in certain places or whatever, and the reasons why I feel weird about such things. But like... damn, at least I don't feel like I'm walking on eggshells anymore. At least I have the courage to do/say certain things even when I feel kind of weird about it. At least I have enough emotional stability to calmly remove myself from a conversation that goes someplace uncomfortable, instead of curling up in a ball and crying about it.
And I may still be a bit too easily swayed by the opinions of others, and I might still care just a bit too much about what other people think - but at least I no longer feel like The Worst Person Ever™ just because I made a shitposty thread that one person didn't think was funny. At least I'm no longer in a state where someone can say to me "here's a list of all the reasons why your way of doing things is Wrong" and I'll accept the whole thing like Gospel without the slightest hint of critical thought, and then beat myself up for not being able to live up to that person's standards.
It feels good to think about how far things have come. How much better things are now.
It's so easy to feel nostalgic for the past and assume that life was so much simpler then, that life now is so much harder - but it feels so much better to put the present in perspective.