You and I {lxngdon & Marygold}

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A U T U M N
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"You want to repatch things?"

Her first thought was to reject. She was afraid if that idea and the same time she desired it immensely. She cared about Spencer, a lot. And she had missed him, a lot. She had missed him even before she left, when they were splitting, she had missed him most.

And while he was gaining new friends as they grew older, she was falling deeper into her own depressing world.

"I don't know," It didn't mean things would be better this time around, they could very well get worse. And he was so much more extroverted than her, and honestly, being around too much people made her sick. Literally.

Autumn was sick in general.

"I mean, do you really want to? We're not the same, I'm not the same."
 
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Spencer had been so torn up about the loss of his best friend that he had never stopped to consider what she wanted. Whether she wanted to even be his friend anymore.

And the possibility of losing her full-time tortured him more than already having lost her.

"Yes, I want to try and be friends again," he whispered, obvious emotion in his voice. The bell rang, and everyone around them started moving, but he stayed put, looking into her beautiful eyes intently.

"W - When we started to grow apart, it killed me, but I didn't do anything because I thought that was what you wanted." He rubbed his neck. "And I regret that. I regret it immensely."​
 
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"What? No," Autumn choked.

She couldn't believe he thought that. That she no longer wanted to be close to him, when really it was the exact opposite. Ultimately, it was her own fault for his thinking that way. She had made it look that way, but she didn't mean to, she was sick.

And that was another thing she'd rather he never knew from the beginning.

"I just - I wanted - it's because,"
She couldn't even form a proper sentence. No, she couldn't simply open up to him like always. But she didn't want to let him go either, not after seeing him so emotional about it. She didn't like him to be upset.

"I have to get to my next class," She pulled her hand away and put her things back in her bag. "I'll come over for dinner."
 
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Spencer breathed an audible sigh of relief when she agreed to come over. Seeing her like this, after not seeing her for the longest time imaginable, had made him quite emotional. He had always been more in touch with emotions than other males, since he had been raised with four sisters.

"Okay," he breathed, standing up and gathering his things. "I'll see you later."

Spencer Goldman came from a rich family. Both of his parents were famed, renowned surgeons in Melbourne and they lived in a spacious, modern home in an inner suburb of the city. Of course, Autumn had been there a million times but he texted her the address anyway.

When she arrived, the butler opened the door for her and lead her through the huge, glossy, modern house to Spencer's bedroom upstairs. It was also huge, but rather cluttered. He had king-sized bunk beds, but the bottom bunk had been replaced with a desk that was currently covered in sketches. One wall was entirely made up of glass, which he had drawn on with black paint, creating a gorgeous pattern with planets and stars that stood in stark comparison to the Australian sun.

Spencer got up from the long bench across the wall opposite the door, which was also cluttered with art supplies. He thanked the butler and smiled at Audy. "Hey."​
 
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"Hi," Autumn greeted Spencer softly.

Before heading over to Spencer's she had dropped by one place, home, to drop of her bag alert her mother face to face of where she would be and and change her clothes and slipped herself into something more comfortable. She was now dressed into dark slim jeans, white knitted Mickey Mouse sweater over a purple T-shirt and black sneakers. She had also tied back her fiery red hair.

She spun around on her heel to look around his room. She hadn't been inside of his room, his house in a long time. It was warmly familiar and yet so different, but maybe that was only because she was.

"You still have a fucking butler, I see." She noted, slightly amused and awed.
 
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Spencer chuckled. "Not my idea," he said like an indignant child as he lead Autumn over to his art bench. He sat her down in one of the stools and sifted through his paintings and sketches to a relatively blank piece of paper that contained an outline, drawn in gray pencil, of the angel for their art piece.

She was beautiful -- tall and slender, with magnificent wings that were open and fully-fledged. The actual woman took up most of the page, but the wings were so large that they spilled out over the page. As the image was so large, all the detail he had put into the wings, face, hair and hands was visible.

He put it on the light box and turned it on, showing every stroke of his pencil and the texture he had packed into the wings. The woman wore a blindfold, her lips slightly parted with a lyre in her hands. If the image were coloured, it would look like a photograph.

"My bleeding disorder got worse," he murmured. Spencer had the worst type of haemphilia, so intense that he could theoretically die from a nosebleed or a bruise. "So I've had a lot of time to practice."​
 
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Autumn looked away from his drawing, frowning slightly as he explained himself to her. "That's awful, I would have thought you would get better not worse." She crinkled her nose in displeasure. At least, that was what she was hoping, she had always hated his illness seeing how it caused him much suffering and plainly because she couldn't rough around him as much as she'd like. Not that she wanted to hit him, but pull him into fun activities with the risk of getting hurt.

"Wait, this is only practice?" She scoffed, folding her arms over her chest and biting the nail of her thumb. "This really isn't boosting my confidence for my part."

She had yet to get practice or start on anything related to her drawing, her painting. Then again, art wasn't her strong suit or passion like it was Spencer's, so she didn't truly mind at all. He was always better with art than she, Autumn was barely able to color inside the lines in coloring books as a child or cut out pictures with scissors.

And besides, she liked looking at his work, it was like being in the unique galleria of Spencer Goldman, that was how she pretended it to be when they were children.

"I can easily say you've gotten a lot better since I've last seen your work. I wish I had been paired with an immature."
 
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Spencer shrugged at her comment about his disorder. There was really nothing he could do about it, other than take his medication, keep his epi-pens in close proximity and just hope he didn't get stabbed in any fatal areas. He had long accepted that this was going to greatly impediment his life, he had accepted his fate. It didn't bother him that much anymore.

"It's fine," he said, then he chuckled at her comment. "If you had have been paired with the artistically challenged you won't get the grades you're guaranteed to get with me." Part of the reason the teacher had paired them off was so no one fought over Spencer like they normally did. Everyone wanted his talents.

"So what have you been up to?"​
 
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Autumn rolled her eyes, but he was right. With him as her partner she was promised a handsome grade. And, truth be told, she could use as much excellent grades and extra credit as she could get. She was lucky to even have caught up as fast as she did upon returning. Her departure had put a dent, no matter how small, in her perfect streak.

"Nothing interesting. What about you? Anything new?" She reflected, taking her thumb away from her mouth."Drama? Relationships? Your studies?" He had already told her about his family, so she didn't ask about them. Besides, she would be seeing them at dinner.

"Aspirations still the same?"
 
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Spencer let out a low whistle and lead her over to the couch in the corner of the room, which was long and squashy and situated in front of the flat-screen TV mounted on the wall. He flopped down and handed her a can of Coke from the mini fridge.

"Fuck. Well, in terms of drama, most of my friends hate each other and constantly talk shit behind one another's backs, but I am not three and do not engage in such activities." He rolled his eyes and sipped his Coke. Spencer really didn't understand why these people pretended to like each other when they hated each other so much.

"Relationships ... hm, my ex-boyfriend cheated on me," he said casually with a shrug. He had always been flippant about his bisexuality because it really didn't matter to him. "I dated a model for a couple of months but she left me for some guy on the X Factor who had more money than I did."
 
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"Welcome to humanity, where people only care about themselves one way or another." Autumn shrugged a shoulder carelessly with a slight shake of her head. Or at least that was how she saw it. It surely made it easier not to get your feelings hurt. She slipped off her sneakers and pulled her legs onto the couch, folding them underneath and slowly opened her cool can of Cola, watching the her drink fizz at the top.

"Well, your friends were always assholes. I can say that with complete confidence." She almost scoffed simply by thinking about them, bit she didn't want to come off too salty or sour about it even if she was. And she was. "You have a lot of shallow people surrounding you, do you know that?" Whether it may have been romantically or not.

Her eyes casted downward,"Anyway, I can't say any wise words on the matter of relationships because I've never been in a real one." She smiled somewhat awkwardly. "But, I can give you the names of over a hundred plants and their symbolism. You can totally use it to impress and or flirt with chicks and guys alike."
 
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Spencer smirked. "Well, shit. I'll get all the models with your database of floral knowledge," he joked, nudging Autumn with his foot. They continued to talk about stupid things like flowers and pastel paints and school until a message came over the house intercom, telling everyone that dinner was ready.

Spencer lead Autumn through the maze-like Goldman household and to the large and grandiose dining room. It featured a long table, long enough so both ends could still talk without yelling, which was almost fully seated and laiden with dinner. At one end of the table sat his father, Royce, and at the other sat his mother Bridget. On one side sat his older sisters, Stephanie and Samantha, and on the other side sat his twin Sabrina and fifteen-year-old Sophie. Spencer lead Autumn to the side with the younger girls and pushed her chair in for her like a gentleman before sitting down.

"Autumn," said Bridget with a kind smile. "It's been so long. How have you been?"
 
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"Um, decent at best." Autumn offered a small smile of her own and picked up the fork beside her plate.

And she did feel 'okay', as of late. Though, she was feeling a little nervous sitting at the table with the rest of the family. Sure, she knew them, which probably was the only reason she wasn't sweating buckets or feeling nauseous, but it had been a while wince she had seen them all. Of course, she supposed things could be much worse.

"I, um, heard from Spencer things were going well with the rest of the family." She commented, glancing at at them all shortly.
 
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"Oh, yes, everything is going wonderfully," Bridget said with a kind smile. She was a nice woman, both of Spencer's parents were lovely people, and they were humble. They donated a lot to charity and, despite the grandiosity of their home, really didn't make that much of a big deal out of the family's massive wealth. Most of the money went to spoiling the kids and catering for Spencer's bleeding disorder.

Dinner was served, which consisted of many different types of roasted meats, vegetables and bread rolls. Spencer loaded Autumn's plate for her before his own, as he was a gentleman, and also asked the waiter to pour them both glasses of her favourite beverage. Spencer's sisters engaged in small talk as Bridget addressed Autumn again.

"Autumn, really, where have you been?" she asked pleasantly. "We've all missed you terribly."​
 
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Autumn looked to her plate, gently pushing the delicacy meats with her fork. The meal looked absolutely mouthwatering, just as much as it smelled. And she was sure it would taste just as good too.

Despite that, she lost her appetite slightly at Bridget's inquiry. Autumn considered herself a very private person, but in reality, she was secretive. Even more so since her return, she didn't like for others to know her business, largely because she was adamant to sharing it.

But, she liked the Goldman's, and lying to them would only make her feel awful because lying was an awful thing to do to the people you cared about. Avoiding the question or working her way around the truth would be to difficult with Bridget being quite direct. So, she decided to tell the truth, but stayed vague.

"I was sick," She admitted, sipping from her glass of cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper. "So, my parents sent me away until I was feeling better. And I am, feeling better, I mean." She was quick to add her last statement.
 
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A silence settled over the Goldmans as each family member registered Autumn's words. Bridget and Stephanie looked concerned, Samantha, Sophie and Sabrina looked worried and Royce looked like he didn't know what to do with himself or how to react to this news.

Spencer, on the other hand, looked completely blank. She ... she'd been sick? And she hadn't told him?

The Goldmans had enough courtesy to continue with the meal and their conversations like it was nothing. Spencer ate but he was worried. Anxious, even.

When they went back to his bedroom, he turned to Autumn with a slightly pained expression. "You were sick? What do you mean?"​
 
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Autumn had been grateful when they hadn't pushed the subject and carried on talking about other things. She honestly didn't want to go into details and frankly she didn't think she would. She would have kept the whole entire thing from her own family and everyone in general if she could. It was something she hated about herself with everything inside of her, it was shameful and ridiculous for her to get sick, mentally sick.

And she only paled when Spencer picked up where they had left off on at dinner. She didn't want to tell him, but he would probably find out anyway. She decided to get it out the way as soon as possible.

She pulled on the him of her sweater sleeve, looking to the floor."I had been diagnosed with clinical depression and eventually social phobia. I don't know, it was ... I'm better now, that's the point."

She was better. She had to be. And she still went to we her shrink twice a week. She didn't feel completely doomed and wasn't being bullied consistently.
 
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Spencer's face fell and his heart shattered into a million tiny pieces as he heard her words. Autumn's words. His best friend's. They had shared so many secrets in the past, secrets disclosed under blanket forts and in closed, dark rooms, secrets kept between the two of them for years.

But she had not felt she could tell him this.

And that hurt. Because that just showed how far they had grown apart.

"I ..." Spencer didn't know what to say. He sniffled slightly and stepped forward, hesitating before putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into a gentle but warm hug. A type of hug that had been shared so many times over the years, but now felt foreign and out of place.

He wanted to change that, though.

"Would you like me to sit with you tomorrow? Just me."​
 
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Autumn still herself unintentionally when he leaned over and hugged her. Intimacy, any form of it she had come to dislike and fear when it was toward her. Why? She simply didn't know how to respond to it anymore. Not after the only touch or words she had been given before her submittance to the hospital had only been utterly unpleasant. But, this was Spencer, so, she didn't move away, she couldn't.

"You - you don't have to," She replied after swallowing down the lump in her throat, it was getting hard for her to breathe properly as her chest constricted painfully.

Autumn had missed Spencer so much. She had missed and yearned to be with him again long before she left and after. While he was gaining new friends and getting further ahead, she felt stuck in the same place watching him disappear from her sight. She had been jealous, bitter, distant and clearly stupid for not talking to him, for not telling him what was happening with her. If she had been a little braver and a lot less shy she probably wouldn't be in the place she was now.

Now, she wanted to cry over everything. Unlike him, she could not see how they'd be friends again. It was too much change, just, too much. Though she still wanted to be with him, around him, it was in her naturally built system to keep everyone at an arms length now.

"I prefer solitude anyway." She almost choked.
 
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It killed Spencer to know that Autumn had been suffering. It absolutely destroyed him to know that she still was suffering, most likely, and that he had been unable to help her. He still couldn't help her, because they had grown apart, which was the worst part of this entire ordeal.

"I know I don't need to, I want to," Spencer said softly. He carefully lead her back to his couch and sat her down, before sitting down beside her and looking at her earnestly.

He kept his physical distance, though, because he could tell she didn't want physical contact right then.

"I want to help you in any way I can, Audy," Spencer said in a very quiet voice. He wanted to help her, not overwhelm her. That was the absolute last thing either of them needed right then.

"You ... you're still my best friend." She had always been his best friend. She always would be. "I want to help you. I want to be your friend again."​
 
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