The Memory

[Samdarkblood]

I need time to think
I need a second chance to fix this
I need the strength to go back
I need them back
I need a clear conscience
I want them back
I want to go back in time
I want them to have changed their mind
I want to fix what happened...but can't
I want no one to ever have to go through this
I can't change the past or present
I can't get this feeling to go away
I can't sat that I could see through their mask
I can't say I feel at peace with this in any way
I can't tell a single soul
I shouldn't blame myself, but do
I shouldn't cry, but I can't bring them back
I shouldn't dwell on the past, but it is too horrible to forget
I shouldn't have been so clueless
I shouldn't let their memory die with them
I won't forget them...ever
I won't sit still while I suffer internally
I won't pretend like it never happened
I won't let the hurt inside of me fester and grow
I won't let them fade from my mind, my heart, and exsistance

 

[Samdarkblood]

Was This...?

Was this death...in its true form, here to claim my soul and remove me from my mortal stand point?
Was this the angel...who so graciously greeted me, who welcomed me to my eternal slumber?
Was this the grounds...of my fate that has rooted me here from now until the very end?
Was this the happiness...of being free on my own, of letting my heart fly to new heights?
Was this the sorrow...of departing with my mortality, ever slowly until it is but a myth?
Was this the dream...that I had imagined for so long, not ever lasting darkness, but the light to save me?
Was this the promise...that had been spoken of so often before, the assurance of immortality?
Was this destiny...that brought me to this, to make it seem so pleasant, you fear it will be snatched away?
Was this the curse...of my life taken away, my soul ripped from my body and tossed around like a play thing?
Was this real...did I actually live or simply take a vacation from my pedestal and return, never to remember the past?
Was this an escape...to flea like a coward, only because I don't want to face the unknown?
Was this world...a glimpse into that which we want to explore, or was it the bound future?

 

[Samdarkblood]

the feelings

the fever raging in my soul
the pounding in my skull
the fire burning in my eyes
the tears I weep and cry
the brewing of my heart
the thing I left is my mark
the weary nights
the stirring, stumbling and immense fight
the pitter patter against my ear
the ticks and tocks like gears
the constant buzzing in my ear
the feeling of wanting to be dead
the pound of the drums
the innocence of a nun
the halo I must bare
the face that remains fair
the burden of the strong
the journey infinitely long
the force of a laugh
the fear of being daft
the hurt in my chest
the times I try my best
the softness of a smile
the organization of a file

 

[Samdarkblood]

Fly Away

What is a caged bird?
Why does it sing?
Why is it locked up?
Why doesn't anyone free it?
Why does it sing a sad tune?
Why does no one give it a second glance?
Why would its beauty be kept a secret?
Why is it all alone?
Why does it stay so still?
Is it afraid to move?
Is it afraid of a longer caged sentence?
Does it feel like it is to blame?
Does it feel like it's not good enough for the rest of the world?
Does it even want to be free?
Would it leave if given the opportunity?
Do you think it would sing for me?
Do you think I could set it free?...