Annabeth Fawn

The weather in Casselbrook was beginning to cool down with the temperature dropping. It was cold enough to start wearing sweaters and jackets. That, however, did not stop many from wearing their scanty Halloween costumes out to the party tonight at Holland Ryder's house. Annabeth didn't know who the host was exactly except for the fact that he went to their school and he was well off by the look of his home, though, it was no mansion, it was still large. And with almost everybody from school there, it was full with people, the party even continued with others outside.
Once in a while, Annabeth would go to parties usually with a friend so she'd be comfortable. This time around, she had come alone. Lana had convinced her to go, but in all honesty, she would have gone anyway. There was a chance she'd bump into Joss, it was hard to see him when she had to go to school and he wasn't there.
There was a slight possibility he wouldn't show, but she highly doubted it. Halloween party or not, it was the same as other parties. They danced, the smokes, got drunk and high and did stupid things. The only difference was that more than half of them wore costumes all while doing it.
Annabeth herself had dressed up a little bit, wearing a black flare dress with a red cardigan with the same color vintage heels. The only thing that truly showed that she was in costume was the mouse ears and red bow on top her head. She figured she'd stick out less if she did come in costume but not anything too fancy.
The blonde did her best to avoid the jocks in the chance she would run into Casey and stood in a corner, sipping on a cup of coke that was so obviously mixed in with an alcoholic beverage, not that she minded. The alcohol warmed her and loosened her, stripping away whatever anxiety she had felt upon entering the party, but not her senses.
 
JASPER CARMICHAEL
Joss had received a two-week suspension, which he had spent riding around town, meeting up with friends who had graduated, sneaking Marisol off the campus to have sex in the woods, and selling drugs to stupid fifteen-year-olds to make some cash. All in all, not a very wholesome way to spend a suspension, but it was better than sitting around all day just waiting for his father to drink himself to the point where he couldn't control himself anymore. After his suspension was up he had begun to go back to school, but at that point in time he cared even less about his grades than normal. So he had been skipping class, sneaking off into the woods, finding new places to hook up with Marisol in, and just all around causing trouble but still managing to fly under the radar.​
The only difference was that he was making an effort to see Betsey more. He wasn't exactly sure why he felt so drawn to the sweet girl. Perhaps it was the way, with her skittish but kind personality, that she reminded him of his sister and mother alike. Or perhaps it was just that she was so nice. Whatever the reason, he walked her to at least one class a day, and they hung out on weekends. That was how Joss had spent the two weeks between his suspension and this Halloween party.​
Despite most definitely not being a part of the mainstream social crowds, Joss got invited to parties. He was just a party type of dude. He was a good drinker, a lot of fun when he was in a good mood, and, of course, he supplied the drugs. He had walked into this party carrying several grams of weed that were now being rolled into joints by the stoner kids and being sold to the slightly better behaved ones, as well as a few ecstasy pills he had immediately sold because he didn't fancy that type of drug that evening.​
Joss hadn't really come in costume. Sure, he had thrown on his Black-Suited Spiderman T-shirt under his leather jacket, and chucked on some dark eyeliner around his pale blue orbs, but this was nothing he wouldn't do on a regular day. He didn't particularly care about dressing up. Wyatt didn't either, but Tessa, on the other hand, had come in a full Pink Power-Ranger costume with everything but the helmet. And Marisol, who was presently clinging to Joss's arm, had arrived in a dark purple corset, a pair of lacy black underwear that was so close to being a thong, thigh-high stockings and garters, and a pair of bunny ears.​
Joss, with a can of beer in one hand and Marisol clinging to the other, finally found who he was looking for. "Betsey!" he shouted over the music, pushing through a throng of teenagers to reach his little blonde friend. "Hey! I'm so glad you came!" The jovial British boy looked completely opposite to the angry one who had pulverised Casey all those weeks ago.​
He leaned down and pecked Betsey on the cheek, giving her a broad smile. "You look really pretty!" Marisol called over the thumping pop music. She was standing with Joss with both arms around his waist now, but she genuinely did mean the compliment when she delivered it.​
 
Annabeth Fawn

It took Annabeth all the control she had not to crush the red plastic cup and spill her drink in her hands. The cup was crinkled slightly by the now tightening hold she put on it. Seeing Joss had put a smile on her face but seeing Marisol almost wiped it off. Betsey did not like Marisol and she could not explain why, the girl was nice, nice to Annabeth. Even now she was paying her a kind and sincere compliment but hearing it made her feel slightly antagonized.
Why? Betsey always felt average looking at best, but standing with Marisol she didn't feel like that yet alone as pretty as the girl claimed her to be. In fact, Betsey felt the exact opposite and anyone could tell she was the better looking out of the two, right? Her skin was perfect, her hair was beautiful and her costume only accentuated her already amazing body. It also made obvious that she was bold.
Basically, everything that Annabeth was not.
"Thanks you," Betsey forced herself to smile still, observing the girl and biting her lip when finally catching her arms around Joss's waist. "But you look incredible." Marisol looked incredible every day. "Joss, you could have tried." She teased.
When Annabeth thought about it, Marisol was really similar to Lana. The biggest difference between them was that Lana didn't sneak off with Joss to do who knows what and currently wasn't there holding him in front her. All the while making her feel awful effortlessly when trying to do the exact opposite.
Betsey downed the rest of her drink and crushed her cup. "I think I need another drink."
 
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JASPER CARMICHAEL
“I’ll go get it!” Marisol offered pleasantly, taking Betsey’s empty cup and Joss’s empty can. “I need another one anyway. What’s everyone drinking?”
Once she had her answers, Marisol scurried off, squeezing between the groups of teenagers to make her way to the kitchen. Joss watched her go, but there was no loving tenderness in his eyes, as a guy would have for his girlfriend. No, there was only amused affection, and, to be honest, he was really just looking at her ass.​
When she disappeared from view, Joss turned back to Betsey and gave her a once-over that was actually filled with affectionate tenderness. “You really do look absolutely lovely,” he assured her. And they proceeded to chat for a while, just engaging in the light and easy conversation that they had always done, and it was nice.​
Marisol came back after a little more than ten minutes. She was carrying Betsey’s and Joss’s drinks, but she wasn’t alone. She was being tailed by a tall, muscular, African-American guy Joss knew to be named Troy, who, once Marisol had relieved herself of the drinks by passing them to their recipients, wrapped his arms around her from behind and planted a kiss to her neck.​
“I’m going to go hang out with Troy for a while,” Marisol told Joss with a giggle as her new friend continued to kiss her neck. Joss chuckled. She was adorable, but they weren’t together, not really. Therefore, he didn’t care who she slept with, as long as she didn’t give him chlamydia.​
“Okay, have fun. Do you still need Wyatt to drive you?”
Troy shook his head and thus so did Marisol. “Nah, I’ll be fine.” Marisol pulled away from Troy for a moment to stand on her tiptoes and peck Joss on the lips in a form of goodbye. Troy gave him an alarmed look, clearly thinking he and Marisol were a couple and that he would lash out at him, but Joss just casually waved him off to let him know it was okay. He nodded and they left. Joss turned back to Betsey, his eyes on his can of beer as he opened it, and realised that she was probably really fucking confused. But he decided to let her ask rather than just telling her, because he didn’t even know where to start.​
 
Annabeth Fawn

Annabeth grew quiet, bewildered by the appearance of Troy and Marisol together. By the time they left, Betsey was more lost than before, glancing between the direction they had left and Joss. In the midst of her confusion she had forgotten to gulp down the first sip she had taken on her refilled cup. Betsey swallowed and awkwardly played with her studded ear with her free hand. "So, are you two not together?" Asked Annabeth, eager to know.
"I mean, I always assumed you were." Betsey added as an after thought. Every time she saw them together, they were too close to be "just friends". The kiss she gave him was proof enough of that, it was enough to make her stomach twist, but it didn't look wholly loving. Nothing that came to mind made sense, more so since she couldn't confirm it herself.
No, Betsey was no longer going to think about it and instead stared at Joss. "I don't mean to sound nosy. I'm just curios." It may have been a little more than that, but she was still curious. Betsey let go of her ear, brushed back her hair to let cool air access her neck, it was getting warm inside, as to be expected of a room full of people and sipped form her cup.
 
JASPER CARMICHAEL
"No. Well, she's not my girlfriend, I mean." Joss opened his can, took a sip of its contents, then looked up at Betsey. "Like, we sleep together, and I take her as my date to parties and things, but we're not exclusive or anything. We're not even really together."
There was absolutely no emotional connection between himself and Marisol. Sure, they liked each other, and they were friends. And of course, they got along well. But she was not someone who Joss would confide his fears and his dark history to. She was not someone he considered trustworthy enough to tell about his sister or his experience in juvie. They were really nothing more than just friends with benefits.​
Joss could see that she was getting a little sweaty, so he took her hand and lead her outside. They sat down on a garden bench. It was a lot cooler and a lot quieter out here, which in that moment he appreciated.​
"Like, I get her her drugs and alcohol and I let her sleep with whoever she wants, and she sees me casually and everything works out." Joss shrugged. He wasn't sure if someone as sweet and lovely as Betsey would understand such a casual and carefree relationship. Sex and intimacy had never been necessarily tied together for Jasper Carmichael. He had had girlfriends whom he had loved and had shared emotional intimacy with, but he had also had girlfriends whom he had not, and he had had emotional intimacy with people he had never slept with. He understood people's need to have both types of intimacy with the same person, but it had never been a necessity for him.​
Joss looked over at Betsey. "I hope you don't think I'm a common whore or anything," he chuckled, though he was only partly joking.​
 
Annabeth Fawn

"I don't," Betsey assured him with a soft, lop-sided smile. With a quieter background, less people and the cool air outside, she was able to think a little better. Her brain was still slightly muddied but not so much that she couldn't use it, it was probably because she used it so much, overthinking one too many things. This time, Betsey tried not to do that. "It would take a lot more for me to think seriously negative of you." She mumbled out loud, more to herself than to Joss at her side.
Again, Betsey fell silent, doing her best to wrap her head around his explanation before saying anything more. Hearing they weren't an item relived her immensely, but not entirely because it confirmed her suspicions that they did go off to have sex. It set a heavy weight on her chest, though, she was happy they weren't serious.
"I kind of get it in a roundabout way," Betsey said with a half shrug and proceed to pull her arms out of the sleeves of her cardigan. She paused and wrapped the sleeves of her sweater around her waist. "Sometimes you want one thing without the other. Or maybe I don't, but I won't judge."
Annabeth herself longed for the emotional connection of like and love and the intimacy and affection that usually went hand and hand in it. She had been deprived of it and couldn't imagine why no one else would want it. But Betsey was true in her words when she said she wouldn't judge.
 
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JASPER CARMICHAEL

"...No, that's pretty much exactly what it is," Joss agreed. He wanted one thing -- the physical closeness, the warm body to hold during the night -- but he didn't want the emotional intimacy or the serious relationship. Well, he didn't want it at that moment, anyway. Joss didn't know what the future held for him. But at that present point in time, the last thing he wanted was a serious girlfriend, for a plethora of reasons.​
He was about to say something, but their serenity was interrupted when Tessa stuck her head out the door and shouted over to Joss. "Hey, Jazzy, we're having some candy." And Joss knew exactly what that meant.​
He perked up immediately and took Betsey's hand. He was a little tipsy at that point in time, so he didn't stop to think that maybe she wouldn't want to come along to witness this. Instead he just pulled her along, back to the house. They followed Tessa up the stairs and to one of the bathrooms. Due to it being a very large and fancy house, the bathroom was massive, with an expansive counter. Wyatt and one of their other friends named Kaleb were standing in front of that counter, crouched over it, talking quietly.​
And when they moved, they revealed several perfectly cut lines of powdery cocaine, and the shift in Joss was evident before he even got near it.​
While it was his drug of choice, Joss wasn't completely addicted to it. He could function without it, which he couldn't say about cigarettes or alcohol or even weed to a certain extent. But holy fucking shit he loved coke. It provided him a sense of euphoria even stronger than what marijuana provided to him. It was so expensive and rare in Oregon that rarely did he get his hands on it, but when he did, he treasured it.​
Immediately he broke out into an excited little laugh, and he stepped forward, leaving Betsey in the hallway for a moment. He took the rolled-up dollar bill Wyatt had handed to him, leaned over, closed one of his nostrils and inhaled the powder in one swift go. He straightened up, blinked a few times, handed the bill to Tessa and patted the excess into his nose properly. And then he turned around and noticed Betsey.​
She looked beautiful in the hallway light. Well, she looked beautiful all the time, but tonight, she looked exceptionally radiant for some reason. He stared at her for a solid six seconds as if he had never even seen her before, then he stepped forward, his movements somewhat erratic due to the substance he had just taken, and cradled her face between his long hands.​
"You're absolutely stunning and perfect and gorgeous, okay, Annabeth?" he said in a quick but emotional voice. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."
 
Annabeth Fawn

By the time Betsey emptied her cup while standing in the hallway, leaning against the wall and waiting for Joss, she was less sober than she was on the garden bench. The number of drinks Betsey had were starting to take effect, she knew this because when Joss held her face in his hands and spoke stirringly, Betsey couldn't think of anything to say. In fact, she was incapable of thinking at all, she only felt, she only wanted to feel. His voice and his words sent a warm current throughout her body from her fluttering heart spreading to the bottom of toes and her now flushed face.
"Joss . . ." Annabeth started softly, her voice nothing but a whisper, but trailed off. What was she supposed to say to that? To be compliment so much at once, Betsey was not used to it nor would she have believed it if it wasn't coming from his mouth. A mouth that never lied to her or cursed her. A very pretty mouth ... a kissable one.
Bright blue eyes traveled down away from his eyes and to his lips. Betsey reached out her hands, clutching the flaps of his jacket and steadily pulled him closer to her. In such close proximity, it was easy to take an every detail of his face from his dark eyes to his lush lips. He was perfect.
Stepping on her toes, Betsey leaned forward and pressed her lips against his in a rather passionate kiss. Yes, she was drunk. Annabeth would normally never be so bold to make a move like this one, to make an amorous advance. Yes, she was drunk and she didn't care and she seriously doubted she'd regret this.
Annabeth fell back on the heels of her feet, breaking the contact between their lips. "Sorry." She began, feeling light from the kiss, but feeling the need to say something, to explain her reckless and impulsive actions. "I - you said I was gorgeous."
 
JASPER CARMICHAEL

Perhaps if Jasper was sober he may think about how strange it was that Betsey was kissing him. It had just come out of nowhere — he had never really thought of her in an explicitly romantic manner, and he had had no idea that she thought of him like that either. But here they were, locked in a passionate kiss outside of that rich guy’s bathroom while the cocaine started to permeate Joss’s system, and he was having the time of his life.​
Betsey pulled away and he continued to cradle her face, staring down at her as if she was the single most beautiful thing his eyes had ever witnessed. “You are gorgeous,” Joss repeated in a soft, delicate whisper. Because she was. Everything about her just radiated the kind of beauty one did not even know that they held. She was stunning and she deserved to be aware of it.​
And then suddenly the cocaine began to really take effect, and nothing about Joss was soft or delicate anymore.​
He moved his hands from her face to her waist and leaned down to kiss her, passionately and hard, so hard they would have swollen lips later. He used his hands on her waist to guide her into the closest bedroom, which was thankfully unoccupied, and he had the sense to lock it behind him. Then he picked her up — she weighed next to nothing — and positioned her so her legs were hooked around his waist, and he held her up by carefully placed hands on the dangerous strip of flesh between her thighs and her backside.​
Then he carried her over to the bed, laid her down on her back, and continued to kiss her. But he didn’t let his hands stray from her thighs, and even in his heightened state he didn’t push her into anything. Because he wanted her, badly, but he wouldn’t take her if she didn’t want him.​
 
Annabeth Fawn

Whatever little surprise Annabeth felt the moment he kissed her so firmly had vanished as nearly as soon as it came. Provided, if it was someone else, anyone else she had encountered in the part she wouldn't have been so keen to get into bed with them even in her intoxicated state. But it was Jasper, and if she was clearheaded, she would be surprised at herself. Surprised at how much she wanted to kiss him, feel him and wanted him. Badly.
And it seemed he wanted her just as much.
Betsey's body melted into him as she hungrily returned his kisses, with soft moans, while her eager fingers tangled themselves in his curly hair. With her back against the mattress, she kicked her shoes off with one swift jerk of her foot and lowered a single hand to grab his on her thigh. Annabeth lead his hand to trail up thigh and hook on the lace waist band of her underwear as an unspoken way of granted permission.
"I want to," Annabeth confidently told him in between kisses. Instinctively, Betsey pulled her legs up so that her thighs trapped his waist in between them. And her hands returned to caressing his face and her fingers lacing themselves in his hair.
Spending her Halloween night like this was far from planned, but she was enjoying every bit of it.
 
JASPER CARMICHAEL
Joss was really out of it that night. He had no concept of how loud they were being, or of how hard he was kissing her, or even if what was going to happen afterward. At least he had the sense to use the condom he had put in his pocket before he had left the house.​
His encounter with Betsey had been blissful, but like everything, it had had to come to an end eventually. When they were done after an hour or so of losing themselves in one another, Joss had helped her get dressed, and then together they went back down to the party. Neither of them had spoken about what they had just done. But they didn’t leave each other’s side.​
Wyatt had driven the both of them home and thus they went their separate ways. The next morning, in the slump that accompanied the wearing off of the effects of cocaine, Joss had come to worry about how his night with Betsey would affect their friendship. They had never discussed things like that before, besides their brief conversation about Marisol. He didn’t know where she stood on such topics. And he didn’t know what she wanted from him after this.​
Joss knew that he wanted her. But he didn’t want a relationship. He wasn’t healthy enough to have one, not after Lara. Lara had been the cherry on top of the cake that was his shitshow of a life. After that, and the combination of everything else, Joss didn’t know if he was capable of having a healthy and normal relationship.​
So he decided, in that groggy state, that he would try and act as if nothing had happened between himself and Betsey. Which was why, sitting under the stoner tree on Monday wearing a Panic! At the Disco T-shirt and a two-day covering of stubble, he had Marisol in his lap. He was kissing her, his hands clasped firmly on the curves of her hips — revealed by her hiked-up T-shirt — and he wished everything could be as simple as this.​
 
Annabeth Fawn

There was nothing more that made Annabeth more red-faced than the vivid memories of their time together the morning after. If she could have forgotten about it, she would have, but that was impossible. Annabeth couldn't stop thinking about it, from the taste of his skin to the friction between them. It had been her first time and while she hadn't given it much thought then, she was now. More so because the soreness between her legs had yet to go. And the truth was, Annabeth didn't want to forgot the night before.
Betsey liked Joss, a lot more than she should have, but she did. It wasn't only that she liked him either, she wanted him to be with her. If Betsey didn't, she wouldn't have slept with him or felt any distaste and jealousy toward Marisol who was otherwise nice. So, no, Betsey didn't forget nor did she pretend she forgot. The short blonde made a conscious decision to ask Joss out seriously.
How hard could it be? He too had to like her, right? It was obvious that he found her attractive. He vocalized and showed in her actions.
Monday morning, Betsey had brushed her hair and tousled her waves over one another and put on the best outfit she could think to wear that morning. It happened to be a grey sweater with a black flower printed short skirt and tights. Betsey had even done her makeup, though, made sure to keep it light. Anytime her mother noticed her wearing cosmetics or even tried anything exposing she'd casually say she looked like a whore. Though, Annabeth didn't care that morning and it was worth it.
At least that was what Betsey thought before she came to the stoners tree looking for Joss, who she found sucking face with Marisol.
Betsey recoiled. She was afraid of the sight before her and what it meant, but even more than that, she was angry. "Joss!" She yelled before she could stop herself, fist clenching at her side. In that moment, Betsey didn't particular care if anyone stared, she was already embarrassed as it was and they were nothing but the background. "What are you doing?" Her voice was quick and sharp and so unlike her.
 
JASPER CARMICHAEL
When Joss heard Annabeth's sharp voice pierce through the air, he jumped violently, causing him to bite Marisol's lip and cut it open a little. She let out a little noise of surprise and they both pulled away, the girl pressing a finger to her lip, to look up and see a very angry Betsey standing not too far away. Marisol just seemed confused. But inside, Joss knew he was fucked.​
He should have thought this through before he had done anything with Betsey the other night. Though he absolutely knew that he wouldn't have made such a flippant decision if he hadn't been off his face on coke, he also knew it wasn't really a good excuse. And he couldn't just say this right here with another girl in his lap -- Betsey didn't deserve that. She deserved a proper explanation.​
Joss removed his hands from Marisol's bare waist, causing her top to fall back down over her body and cover up her skin, and patted her thigh to indicate he wanted to get up. She rolled off him, but looked at him, clearly very confused. Everyone else was looking at him like that too, and clearly, he would have some questions to answer when he returned. But for the moment, he ignored them, simply making his way over to Betsey -- stumbling a little due to the weed he had smoked a few minutes ago -- and gestured for her to follow him.​
Jasper didn't say anything until they were far out of earshot and eyesight, almost to the edge of the woods. He did this to ensure that they had relative privacy, because he knew they were about to talk about some very serious and very private things, and neither he nor Betsey would want others to hear them. When they had achieved an adequate distance, Joss turned to face her. The tiny, lovely, beautiful little girl that had never deserved to be sucked into the mess that was his worthless life.​
"... I ... I'm sorry."
 
Annabeth Fawn

"You're sorry?" Annabeth repeated incredulously, her already balled up fist tightened until her knuckles turned white. So, he was acknowledging he had done something wrong? If he was sorry why had he done it in the first place? Betsey did not like where this was going, no, she didn't like where it was now. She could guess what he was going to say next, and she was certain it would not be anything her ears would want to hear. But she didn't want to see him kissing Marisol either.
Their distance from everyone else was welcomed, Betsey had no idea if she would be able to keep a cap on her emotions. Anger wasn't a feeling she liked to feel, and she hadn't been this upset for as long as she could remember. But it wasn't just anger, she felt, dejected. That feeling she tried her best to keep under wraps and it was easy because her frustration overshadowed it.
"What are you sorry about?" Betsey demanded to know, keeping her voice low and steady. She wouldn't yell again or least she would try not to. "Are you sorry for kissing Marisol?" And she didn't yell as she lifted a dainty arm and pointed in the direction they had just come from, but her voice did raise slightly at the mention of Marisol. "Or for sleeping with me?"
As soon as Betsey said it out loud, the ache of heartache washed over her. "Or did that just mean nothing?" Her voice broke. When she thought about it, that possibility was highly probable. And maybe Betsey was silly to think that held any meaning or truths behind it whatsoever. And maybe, she was the only one that cared.
 
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JASPER CARMICHAEL
“No — it meant something,” Joss said quickly. He wasn’t lying, and he didn’t want Betsey to think that he was. What had happened between them was much more than just a fumble in a stranger’s bedroom. No, it had been euphoric, blissful, and he considered it incredibly special.​
“But I’m sorry for how it happened.” Joss sighed and ran a hand over his face, as if he was trying to massage the stress out of his body with the heel of his hand. “Look, Betsey, I like you, I really do.”
That wasn’t a lie either. Joss did like Betsey. Not only did he find her totally and completely gorgeous, but he also saw that she was scared and he craved to fix that. He wanted to hold her in his arms and prevent anything bad from happening to her ever again. He wanted her to be happy and safe and carefree, and while he certainly didn’t wish hardship on Marisol, he had no particular need to ensure her happiness like he did with Betsey. And that was how he had felt about his past girlfriends, so it was how he knew he really liked Betsey.​
“But we can’t be together.”
It must have hurt, to hear such words, but, once again, Jasper Carmichael wasn’t lying. “I ... I don’t deserve you. You deserve so much better than me. I’m broken, Betsey, I ... I’m so fucked up I don’t even know if I’m capable of giving you what you need and what you deserve. And you’re innocent and pure. Marisol, and all the other girls before her — I met them when they were druggies, or alcholics, or promiscuous party girls, I didn’t break them. They were already broken. I don’t want to be responsible for breaking someone like you.”
That poetic ring had returned to Joss’s voice, and despite everything hurting and how much he wanted to just crawl into a hole and die, he couldn’t help but think of what a beautiful song that would make.​
“You deserve someone so much better. You don’t need to be bogged down by all my extra baggage. I don’t want to hurt you like that.”
 
Annabeth Fawn

Annabeth was incapable of speaking when the blow had been dealt. Her shoulders slumped, but she looked him in the face while he gave his reasons. He wasn't lying, she could tell that much, it was what he truly believe. Part of her thought it all sounded like convenient excuses, was he really only scared of hurting her or himself too? Did he really think he could break her when he said she was strong? No matter how much she wondered and questioned in her head, Betsey knew it would make no difference. She was already stupid enough to think he'd agree to be with her.
"But ..." Betsey began again and only paused to breath. She exhaled a shaky breath and unclenched her sweaty hands. The pain in her chest was hurting a lot more than it had before, and she knew it to be not just an emotion anymore but real. It was an anxiety attack, she had it one too many times to not be able to recognize it immediately. But not a panic attack, Annabeth already felt like crying and she couldn't very well break down in front of him.
Hell, Annabeth couldn't even convey all of her thoughts and feelings on the subject. If she did, she would sound overly dramatic and clingy wouldn't she? That was just one reason why she held back her tears, blinking them away as soon as she felt them forming in her eyes. Betsey never had a right to cry and she was afraid if she did it would be a little while before she stopped.
"Didn't you ever think that maybe you won't break me? Maybe I can fix you.." Maybe they could fix each other. Of course not, she was a stupid little girl for thinking anything of the sort. What she thought was nothing but a fantasy. Because it didn't matter what she thought or wanted. And yet, she still couldn't help but think about it all and have the nerve to want it, to want Joss.
Betsey clenched the front of her shirt, it was becoming more and more difficult to breathe with every passing second. "Fine." Betsey said with a finality in her voice. The small girl didn't know how long she could stand there before doubling over and freaking out. She didn't want to show him that side of herself, that clear and utter weakness. "Let's not see each other for a while. I can't - I really can't be your friend right now."
She didn't want to go as far as to say she didn't want to be his friend anymore at all, but that was exactly how she was feeling at the moment. "I mean, I - I - I need time." Time to recover, to let the very real pain fade away.
 
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JASPER CARMICHAEL

It hurt Joss to see that Betsey was hurting. He hated himself and he wished things could be different. He wished he could be normal -- if he had a normal life with normal parents and a white picket fence and a family, then perhaps he and Betsey could have been together. If Joss was ... anyone but himself, things would have worked out differently.​
But he meant it when he said that he wouldn't be responsible for breaking Annabeth Fawn. Joss was toxic -- everyone who entered his life pure walked out of it broken and shattered. That was why he tried to surround himself with already broken people, rather than the good kids who could set him on the right track. Those good kids who had their entire lives ahead of them -- they didn't deserve to be pulled back with him, by him.​
Of course, he couldn't know about all the shit in Betsey's life. He couldn't know that she was already broken. But what he did know was that he was beyond the point of fixing at this point.​
"...Okay," he said softly, when she requested time to heal. He wouldn't deny her that. She deserved it. He watched her and he wanted to cry, because she was hurting so bad and it was all his fault. What kind of piece of garbage was he?​
"Betsey ... I'm really sorry. This isn't because of you in any way, I promise. This is just all me and how pathetic and miserable my life is. You don't need to be sucked into that."
 
Annabeth Fawn

What was Betsey supposed to say to that? Annabeth wanted to tell him he was wrong, but that would be a lie. He knew it and she did too. But knowing what he said to be true didn't change how she felt. Frankly, it didn't matter to her, none of it did. It did to him, and Betsey couldn't lie and say she did not understand.
"Okay." Breathed Betsey. How else was she meant to answer that? Nothing suitable came to mind or sensible, for that matter. Regardless of him telling her straightly it was him and not her, some part of her mind twisted in thinking that it was her partially. After all, she was just too clingy yet distant, emotional and craved for affection of love and the likeliness. And she simply wasn't very strong.
"It doesn't matter to me though."
Annabeth looked him in the eyes for a few seconds before she no longer could and broke away from her stare and from this conversation. She gripped her sweater a tighter as she turned away to trudge in the direction of the school. Her gait was slow despite wanting to run, she felt too weak to do so. All Betsey wanted to do was forget about Joss, she needed to focus on something else, like calming down before class.
What Annabeth truly ended up doing instead of going to class or calming down was crying in a bathroom stall. It was all so stupid, she knew better. Crying was off limits, so was slipping classes. Her teachers would notice her absence and if they told her mom, she'd be furious and Annabeth would have to pay for the repercussions.
Joan Fawn would not tolerate the slightest slip up.
But Annabeth didn't care, if only for a moment, she wanted to let down the facade of composure and normality. And she would take her punishment for doing so without question later.
 
JASPER CARMICHAEL

The next few weeks were rough. Joss couldn't escape the guilt he was feeling over what he had done to Betsey. Every single day he felt the need to call her -- he wanted to fix things. He wanted to crumble in front of her and beg for her forgiveness and promise to cherish her for the rest of time, if she deigned to take him.​

But he also felt that he had made the right decision in trying to keep her as far away from his shitshow of a life as possible. It had taken all of his will to keep himself from making that phone call, which subsequently meant he had even less will to control his substance abuse. It had gotten to the point where he woke up and lit a joint, and he was sneaking alcohol onto the school grounds in a non-descript black drink bottle. He was also doing the hard shit on the weekends. He had tried meth for the first time in months the Friday after he had broken Betsey's heart, realised he still hated it, and then done some more cocaine.​

Joss knew he didn't deserve to be feeling this bad when he had been the one to cause harm, not suffer from it. But he felt bad and he couldn't escape it. He had broken things off with Marisol because he had felt so bad over Betsey. She had been very irritable about it, because now she had no one to supply her drugs, and he had felt bad about that too. It seemed like no matter what he did, he always ended up disappointing someone.​

It was the first of December, a date marking one exact month after Joss had made love to Betsey on Halloween night. In that month, he had been drowning his worries in drugs, alcohol, sex with random girls he would scarcely see again, and general self pity. Currently, he was sitting on one of the couches in one of Wyatt's many living rooms, alone except for the blonde girl whose name he didn't know that was sitting on his lap and kissing his neck. He was completely fucking wasted, high on a medley of different drugs, and just generally off his face. He had also finally made the call, and was waiting for Betsey to pick up while the blonde girl he didn't want worked a hickey into the pale skin of his neck.​