RANT Your Brains Out #98274

I just don't have the patience for people today. I've snapped at people when I shouldn't have. It was to strangers and not a big scene, but... I know better. I'm an adult. I just lost my head for a moment.

Today is not my day. I just feel like crap and I spent almost an hour today crying while working and I've only been at work for 2 hours.

[spoili]Is it okay for me to just, I guess, sigh?

I had no idea things could somehow worsen. I'm just so desperate to go back in time; I'd worship those earlier days. Now I'm just...

I never thought it would happen this way, of all the ways it could. Or, no. I think I understood this was the how, but I wasn't prepared to experience it... not this early.

Always figured I'd be making the choice. It'd probably be the wrong one, but it'd be a choice I could make. But it's starting to feel like I'm externally being forced into this now.


On top of it all, I'm still delusional. Mistake, mistake, mistake, mistake. I guess I can at the very least take comfort in that I deserve this punishment.[/spoili]

Welcome to me whining about insignificant things.

I just watched Youtube Rewind for this year. Oh boy. In past years it has been my guilty pleasure. Not this year. Not with that packaging. This was definitely a bare bones as far as set design and they tried to pack waaaaay too many people into every shot. The first 20 seconds of it made me dizzy.

Maybe next year...if the site doesn't cannibalize itself or ISPs don't paywall everything.

Cranky and grumpy and not happy because kids. >__>

The past couple of days have been going by in a haze. That's probably not good.

I don't know what's in the fine print but I'm pretty sure my job isn't to... I just.

Someone walked in completely drunk and just. They start telling me how bad their life is right now, how they want to die, before running out the store crying. I... I'm. I don't.

.... guess I know how other people feel about... I'm such a piece of shit. This is why I hate myself, why others should hate me. This isn't fair.

[spoili]doctor/social worker recommended I get a benefit to pay for my heating bill.
I got the benefit last week. They said I should get the paper saying I got it "in a few weeks"
then my heating company will get that in another few weeks. Maybe she specified a number, I don't remember.
Anyway, so I will have my heat paid for me, whenever it gets in the system.
But in the meantime my propane tanks are at 55%, my house is drafty as fuck, and I've set the thermostat down to 58 in paranoia.

I wonder, if they refill it (or if I call in for a refill) how long I can sit on it before getting a late charge.
and would they pay for a late charge?
Will they pay for fills before I technically "have" the benefit?

I mean it's not life or death... I do technically have the money if I needed a refill like right now.
But what's the point in the benefit if I don't actually use it. >_>

And also.
SO DRAFTY.
Definitely should've just bought the extra insulation while I had the floor open.
Now next year (if I have the money) I'm going to have to tear it all apart to put insulation in.
Or are the walls more important?
I DON'T KNOW I BASICALLY HAVE TO REBUILD THE ENTIRE HOUSE NOW
Just... sets money aside for the zen garden instead, even though that totally should not be the priority[/spoili]

Oh and another thing
you'd think with snow on the ground the chickens would stay in their coop
YOU THOUGHT FUCKING WRONG
They're back and they already made quite a large hole in my backyard. Again.
But I poured a shitload of water on them this time so maybe they'll get pneumonia and stop fucking up my yard

This is dumb and probably petty but it always makes me feel better to get out of my system.
I feel a bit on the pathetic side. Holidays don't make me happy anymore, they make me sad. The only guys who flirt with me are online.....It's heartbreaking when you just want someone to walk out in the snow with but you can't seem to get a good guy.

Fudge. Mild headache, congested nose, sneezing, runny nose, neck and shoulder pain and malaise all in one do not go well together during December.

EDIT: Oh, and woopity doo, started my period.

Took forever to get lunch. Couldn't start eating it until now. Food is cold.

Why do even the simplest of tasks have to be so goddamn difficult.

RIP Net Neutrality. I have nothing good to say on the matter. Fuck this year and its handholding of big corporations. This is a huge blow to the creative sphere.

Hell yeah getting fucked over by Amazon! Late Christmas presents and shit, man. Cool stuff!

I don't know why I keep reading current events wrt millenials.
All it does is make me feel like shit.

But whyyyyyyy do I keep doing this to myself every night

I'm not sure I can be trusted with free will.

The version of me that people seem to admire is merely a fiction, one that I'm no longer able to maintain.

Sorry you all had to find out this way. Now go home.

RP woes. I haven't done it in so long that I'm anxious for this new one. I'm excited, but also scared that I will mess up somehow.

Okay, Random Rant!

So it's about Phantom of the Opera, I've seen a thousand times of course, But it been awhile since I've watched it so im gonna write about it to try and clear up some things.


SO in the lyrics, she says "I am the mask you wear"
He replies. "It's me they hear."

So I thought years back he was in love with her and so he taught her, hid in the opera house cause people are scared of his face. Well, He refers to her as if she is Him, He even says that in the song, So by coaching her, it's his way of being able to live Vicariously through her success since he could never sing in front of anyone, or so he thinks with his Face being the way it is. (Im telling you his Mindset, My view in real life is it doesn't matter how someone looks if they got a voice, and have the will their gonna fucking sing.) Anyway,

This surprised me a lot! Also, their relationship which I thought more romantic before seemed a lot creepier and more interesting than I ever thought before This time around. Christi thinks The Phantom is an angel her father sent to her on his deathbed, his ghost essentially, to help her Succeed in life and coach her voice to perfection as she grew up. So he actually grew up with her because she talks about the 'angel' appearing in her dreams at night and in general just kind of hovering to 'watch over her' as she was a child and this started at 7 years old immediately after her father's death, Also the 'Angel' didn't appear before she lived in the Opera house and Slept in Dormitories apparently to learn dance.

Which makes me sad, I already know his history of basically being so hated and abused someone took him away from a torturous abuser who caged him and led him to hidden tunnels underneath the opera house, he was older then her of course, Becuase she came years Later when she was 7 by then He was a Little younger then the Madame who I Know is the Dance Teacher for Christine for most of her life. So she is the second Coach I Have to wonder if Her and the Phantom Tag team to make a Bomb ass Performer?

So I have to wonder how large the age gap is, and also how much he was just chilling around her? Sounds Like he was like at least a Once a day thought or presence. HIs feelings must have grown from just Loneliness and wanting a friend and trying to help her to want something more as she grew into a woman and he into a man, As he was a child when he was brought too but he aged...cause Madam was an adult with her own kid when she took in Christine, so Like seriously what is the age gap?? I dont think he was ever creepy or anything I think he legit loved her and thought of her as a friend he wanted to teach when she was Little, im sure it gave him something to do to pour his passion for singing into her.

So If they have known each other for years! as her 'dreams' Were actually reality, He is a person that is alive XD and just a really good teacher when it comes to teaching her to sing, And he damn well takes Credit for it! which I find Fun.

Like for example, She walks up into the damn Room after he debut performance and he said the gist of "What the fuck, that other guy thinks he can just walk up in here, On MY Triumph! Girl, I got you here you better stay and review with me how things went." He is sassy as fuck and I love it I never knew how deep or how interesting things were before So now that im really listening to it.

I am very confused upon what his Real motives are, he goes from being a Friend/ Angel/ Father figure to a Sudden Controlling but in a twisted way Love interest. Also, I think its funny how their's an Opera ghost...When he writes letters, O>O How could a ghost have handwriting and a stamp they dont exist in reality < WHatever its a play

Anyway, im surprised no one ever connected the voice she was hearing both beneath and above her in all the little cracks to the Ghost, I mean the only person who knows all this shit is the Ballet teacher, and I dont know what her motives are either.

IS she like a Sister to him or does she conspire with him and his bad habits cause she feels bad for him, I dont know if she does as she asks mostly out of fear or what? I mean She saved him and he never does anything to her so I have to wonder if she gets mad at Christine as much as he does, She also I very protective of him, like when people try to shit talk him she like scolds them "Better stop that, bitch gonna come for you." Basically what she said when they were trying to drag him for his face. XD Like. She is on his team!

This movie is great. All the Characters are people with mystery but are developed enough for me to have questions. Also Christine keeps being told she is essentially crazy by Both her friends and Love interest (Rouel,) Who by the way is a bit twisted, he funds her theater so essentially without his family being their Patron they wouldn't have a nice ass theater, it's their major funding, so he walks up in there knowing he can get whatever the fuck he wants, he even takes flowers from one of the owners like "Thanks" This is mine now bye,im gonna go swoon your leading lady bye.

XD

So yeah Im confused at what everyone's Intentions are, perhaps the movie has multiple meanings, I've seen Broadway version but I love the movie and im trying to tear that apart right now.

So im wondering if either of these Men is LIgit. I mean both in fantasy and reality i an wondering. XD His intentions are they half pure half Selfish, I mean Phantom has got some Issues, he lives in a murky sewage beneath the opera house. I dont know how he gets Horses and Longboats down there unless the Madam= (Dance teacher)is helping him out.

Also, I feel like Christi is Unsure whether or not she is attracted to the Phantom cuse she drags him but then turns around is like "That voice though, felt it in my soul of Souls! My heart was full of song god Damn!" So if you like Music and He has grown up with you, But not in the Public eye I guess, Do you like him? I mean i know he has his fualt but you gotta stop with these mixed Signals it pisses him off, LOL

Though Rouel knew Christine before his family ever starting paying for the theater she is up and coming in, still it would do her no good to reject him given the circumstances she is in trying to rise as a star, and the son who pays for the whole theater is trying to court her!

, she also has the man Who really did Build her up so that she could be successful. Her voice is her own but he helped her out a lot her whole life so I get that she is in between a rock and a hard place, so The phantom could chill out a second why they try to figure this out. Though the Rouel guy could of back off, he sent him a Letter kindly asking him to back the fuck off, He didn't even curse or anything he was just like "Dont see her again." Go away XD I mean he could have just asked her about it. Like what do you think, No one showed her any of those Letters so she could never connect the dots till someone was hanging from the flies by the neck?? like maybe you could of talked to her.

OH SHIT! the ghost has been getting the money, I forgot the last owner used to pay his Salary, Otherwise he goes around killing people XD I mean he probably feels like the theater is his. He grew Up There, i mean I know he can be a prick sometimes but I get it, he has been supposedly running the theater, And I mean He roasts and Is Honest, He was like

"Better keep that Opera Bitch out of Main Role, its my girls time to shine." XD and he was not playing around either. "Keep my seat empty though, im warning you again, better be empty boys."

This movie is the best. I've seen it so many times but now im so curious.

I have to say while the Phantom is a Bit controlling and physiologically be abusive, he is messed up a Little bit (Fairly) But Im not sure if her other option is any better, I mean he is a childhood friend that knew her father but I feel like he already acts as if she belongs to him. He has money so he owns the place basically is the vibe I get from him since the film started. I mean i really do think he cares for her, and If Christine once's Her career to keep going it makes sense she would choose the fucking man who funds the theater who hosts her performances, I mean he could Hardcore pull some strings so the ending makes more sense, but it also PIsses me off, Was there ever much of a choice?

I Mean Rouel or the Patron guy inst HOrrible, I think his feelings for her are real, He is understanding of her fear towards the end but at first he is kinda of a dick not aknowledgeing her feelings about being stalked or feeling in danger. Like support her MAN! he pulled out that wedding ring real quickl though and she said yes So obviously she knows she is getting into they can make each other happy still sad though, no matter which way you go its a double edged sword, the time period doesnt help so she is actually making the best Dicision she can to have control of her life and Career , as much control as a woman could have back then.

Like poor her, And then everyone keeps calling her crazy, and telling her nothing she believes is real, when he is in fact real XD So im sure that made her feel like shit, this musical is for sure the best.
MAn though Phantom Is Intense, He can Roast and He damn sure follows through. He fucked the other girl up good, Put shit in her throat spray and said. "You're a toad, Madam." He has got. some. class.

XD XD They could have just left the damn box open, he just wants some privacy for his veiwing enjoyment XD He does so much for her though, I know he got problems but in a fictional sense it's sad they didnt get together, in reality I dont want her with either of them since its just a bad situationf or her as a woman, but fictionally I think id love them together Honestly, I mean face's arent that important when you guys can just like sing together and enjoy music, she feels it, he feels it, I mean he murders and stalks and stuff but people can improve, just needs some bounderies I think XD you know, Like

-No murder in the theater by hanging or any other way,

-Dont write an Opera for me and force me to sing it,

-No swords drawn or roasting when people are trying to get drunk and dance and Party, Ruined the vibe XD

-Also, Dont follows me or hide in my mirrors, knock on my door when im undressing instead of hiding in my mirror, and also if I pass out to make sure im okay before you set me down, no more Wax copies of me covered in wedding dresses, Id like the ring first Etc. XD


Their scene where they finally meet face to face was Epic though, I think if he gave it a second and just talked it out it could of gone somewhere, But then he gets pretty pissy and steals her wedding ring to make it clear he is Pissed XD Without his Temper flaring up so Much they could of been a pretty good match,

Well, there is my long ass Rant about Phantom of the Opera, Enjoy.