Timber. Tries Writing

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Timber.

Timber.

Empress of Madness
Original poster
FOLKLORE MEMBER
Posting Speed
  1. 1-3 posts per day
  2. One post per day
  3. 1-3 posts per week
Writing Levels
  1. Intermediate
  2. Adept
  3. Advanced
  4. Adaptable
Preferred Character Gender
  1. Male
  2. Female
  3. Primarily Prefer Female
Genres
Fanatasy, Romance, Modern, Magical, Dark,
A thousand white wishes
All crumbling to the crust
I found myself staring into the abyss again
Lying to myself till that rush begins

Winter gets cold, or so they say
But, this must be summer
Its when it feels like fire that my demons appear
Wasting myself because that rush don't come round no more

My rhymes never seem to make sense
My words still feel all trapped
I wish I could let you in
But the blood of my past shakes the steadiest of heads

The darkness seems to come now
But the light ahead never dims
I just wish that I could reach it
Before my path reaches its end

Come. Go. Go. Come.
The wind whispers secrets that I never heard
Invisible bugs inside my skin
It was on that day that I learned.

The paths are always going
There is never a true end
We are all brought back in way or a another
Thats why the light never dims.
​
 
Hello Timber. You are requesting critique but that's a difficult thing with poetry. There is such a separate and intimate thing about where poetry comes from within the writer.

However, I will try to offer mt perspective, and hope it helps a bit.

The word crust in the first stanza bothers me for some reason. It seems a hard where a softer more poignant word seems like it should be there.

The last two lines of stanza two are awkward to read, and I'm not sure the meaning comes through as a result.

The word all in line two of stanza three is not necessary and it reads better without it.

The rest flows much better, but I am wondering what your theme is. I'm not sure I understand the underlying thought. The last stanza seems to be speaking of reincarnation, but the rest does not actually seem to me to support that idea.

And ok...I ahve never done a critique of this kind before, so i hope that's of help. Goodness that was hard.
 
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